Monday, July 27, 2009

Desperate.

27 July 2009 Monday
Sunny and windy day
Full of argument.

Last two nights, I asked my parents to come to my room and sleep together. And they really did. I was scared after watching Dark Water. You must be thinking I am being so childish but I wasn't. Just some weird and uncomfortable feeling bothering me. I hope I can sleep alone tonight.

Last week was full of laughter. Today, the beginning of this week seems to be very dull. Nobody was smiling, laughing or even joking. I found myself pretending to smile in front of peoples. I don't care, I just want to smile.

A long assembly. Today, I realized, finally, I have memorized the lyrics for our school song. I knew I am so slow on this [7months ++]. During assembly, chatting or just talking. Nothing was related to us. So, we took it very easy. And then, first class was KH. Listened to the teacher explaining about a new chapter. I was giving 50% attention to the teacher [that's a lot already, actually].

Next class, Moral. Dilemma started here. We were all playing UNO. Sri and JH joined us. We played only two games in an hour [or three?]. B.Teng got angry and scolded us for being so slow. Haish, it wasn't really should be our mistakes. B.Teng wasn't satisfied with me, Z.Yin or S.Phing today. Obviously, I don't know why. If I know why this thing happened, I can never write it here.

Recess~ P.Yee never wore her spectacles today. She looked weird because we always see her wearing spectacles but she is always pretty. So, we were like asking people who were wearing spectacles to take off. S.Man and H.Theng did. J.Eng refused. Hence we tried our best to take off J.Eng's spectacles. Ha ha. We were like having a war for that. Me, Z.Yin, B.Teng, H.Theng and S.Man did that. Finally, she took it off herself. Quite cute you know.

Science~ Dismay. We were doing experiments on Acid and Alkali. And then, a fight started between us all. Not really a fight. Just something like 不爽 each other. I must tolerate everytime we argue. Felt a little upset and disappointed. I just hope we could have a normal friendship like others have. Argue, yes. Joking, yes. Playing, yes. But we have something very important missing. Somewhere.

Geografi. My group for the BM drama called me to rehearsal with them. So, I went. They changed my character without even asking me. I was everything that some insane people could do. But I never show it out. I was smiling all the way when we were on the rehearsal because I don't want them to become suspicious. I thought they were respecting me, yet I was wrong. They didn't listen to my opinion although I have already voiced it out. I have only 3 or 4 proper sentences to be said. Only Zammel asked why am I so quiet today. Others thought I never exist?

Maths. I was rushing everything. I am getting blurrier and blurrier in this class. Today, teacher gave us loads of questions [quite tough]. And I was borrowing S.Sya's liquid for more than 5 times. I was depressed when I did it wrongly. My pencil box fell down, and I started feeling dizzy [not that type, but dizzy in sense of scolding someone]. It was a mess everywhere. And I am really confused. And then, went home.

A lot of things happened this few months. Since I moved school. I am always comparing friends, teachers, subjects and even feeling of SMKWM2 and SMKDK's. I understood that this is not a good way to solve my dilemma and to get myself out from that miss [想念] feeling. Am I being too self-fish? Frankly speaking, I have thought before of making clones of peoples[SMKDK] I like in SMKWM2. And this sounds really crazy. I am assuming everybody in my new school as my old friends. I knew I can never find a good replacement for both friends and love. I regretted for my action last year [something which already ties on my heart]. Complicated. Seriously, I am hating my life now. But this kind of hate won't last forever. It comes sometimes somewhere but not very often.

I cannot say SMKDK as my new school anymore as I am already 8 months being here. It's not new anymore. I am no longer a new student. I am already adapted and I knew what is going on in this school. But it's hard to change my way of speaking it. SMKDK is my new school~

Amy.

2 comments:

XiiaoBenDan said...

wow...i didn't come you all do until like this way :X...omg ><

amy美琪-kaykay- said...

ya oh.
everything so complicated.
you faster come school ler.
5 days never see you oredi =.=
haih.