Tuesday, March 2, 2010


You said I made you more stressful? I am more stressful! Today I didn't even get my rest from early morning till 5pm. And I am suffering under the hot sun. You know how hard I am? I am really getting boring with my life. Nothing's special.

From school, I always become another person when I reached school. I laughed a lot and I don't actually show it out. It's because I think I have all I need. It's not. I am not. But as I meet my friends, I started showing my smile. No matter how fake it is.

I already tried my best to study very hard. And I know it's worth it. OR maybe I didn't study hard, that's right. My parents don't even care about it. They did ask me how is my studies but they don't really care much about it, not as much as my sisters, maybe I am born just to .... And as long as I concern, I don't care much about it too. I am sleeping all day long, online-ing when I am awake. So, who cares.

I very miss my sisters. Every morning after I am awake, I would pray for my parents and them. Hope their studies is going well, always happy and healthy. It's because my elder sister is going to graduate on May. She's going very hard for her final test. She had no sleeps at night, only sleeping in the afternoon. Reversed with normal people. I am worrying if she is over-stress.

I told them how hard I am alone in home. Not alone but just kinda boring being lonely. I have a lot of stuff to be shared with them. But they aren't here. And when they are here. I don't really dare to talk about all stuff. I regretted for my action. Why am I the only one in home? Seemed like ... how to say "anak tunggal".

Why I cannot go out to futher my studies instead being the youngest. I think mum got the plan since before I was born. Her plan was so good. After both my sister graduate, I will be in the University. So, I can accompany her and daddy everyday. And I did. I didn't finish my homework just to fetch her. I scared dad will be alone in car, so, I will sometimes chat with him but just useless.

I am ANNOYING. I am IRRITATING. Nobody ever will like me. My fate and destiny is this and it is forever like this. God has given me that. I couldn't deny. So, it's going to be like this forever. I will live the same over years, over decades. And I am already getting boring with it. Maybe I am too weak.

But it's not anyone's problem. It's my problem, after all. Don't be affected by this post. I am perhaps wanted more **** + **** but I know I will not. BTW, all the best every buddies. Lethargic. I am going to sleep. Sleepless and my bones started making problem again. Feeling cold and hot. Ish. Good nights.

Not Amy.

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